If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should fine in each person's life sorrow & suffering enough to disarm all hostility. -Longfellow
". . . Forgiveness does not in any way justify or condone harmful actions. While you forgive, you may also say, 'Never again will I knowingly allow this to happen.' . . . Forgiveness does not mean you have to seek out or speak to those who caused you harm. You may choose never to see them again.
Forgiveness is simply an act of the heart, a movement to let go of the pain, the resentment, the outrage that you have carried as a burden for so long. It is an easing of your own heart & an acknowledgment that, no matter how strongly you may condemn & have suffered from the evil deeds of another, you will not put another human being out of your heart. We have all been harmed, just as we have all at times harmed ourselves & others.
For most people forgiveness is a process. When you have been deeply wounded, the work of forgiveness can take years. It will go through many stages -grief, rage, sorrow, fear, & confusion- & in the end, if you let yourself feel the pain you carry, it will come as a relief, as a release for your heart. You will see that forgiveness is fundamentally for your own sake, a way to carry the pain of the past no longer. The fate of the person who harmed you, whether they be alive or dead, does not matter nearly as much as what you carry in your heart. & if the forgiveness is for yourself, for your own guilt, for the harm you've done to yourself or to another, the process is the same. You will come to realize that you can carry it no longer.
To practice the formal forgiveness meditation, let yourself sit comfortably, allowing your eyes to close & your body & breath to be natural & easy. Let your body & mind relax. Breathing gently into the area of your heart, let yourself feel all the barriers & holding that you have carried because you have not forgiven, not forgiven yourself, not forgiven others. Let yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed. Then after breathing softly into the heart for some time, begin asking & extending forgiveness, reciting the following words & allowing them to open your forgiving heart. Let the words, images, & feelings grow deeper as you repeat them.
Forgiveness from others: There are many ways that I have hurt & harmed others, betrayed or abandoned them, caused them suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, & confusion. Let yourself remember & visualize these many ways you have hurt others. See & feel the pain you have caused out of your own fear & confusion. Feel your own sorrow & regret, & sense that finally you can release this burden & ask for forgiveness. Picture each memory that still burdens your heart. & then one by one, repeat, I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.
Forgiveness for yourself: Feel your own precious body & life. There are many ways that I have betrayed, harmed, or abandoned myself through thought, word, or deed, knowingly or unknowingly. Let yourself see the ways you have hurt or harmed yourself. Picture them, remember them, visualize them. Feel the sorrow you have carried from all these actions, & sense that you can release these burdens, extending forgiveness for them one by one. Then say to yourself, For each of the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain, & confusion, I now extend a full & heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself, I forgive myself.
Forgiveness for those who have hurt or harmed you: There are many ways I have been wounded & hurt, abused & abandoned, by others in thought, word, or deed, knowingly or unknowingly. Let yourself picture them, remember them, visualize these many ways. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this past & sense that you can release yourself from this burden by extending forgiveness if your heart is ready. Now say to yourself, In the many ways others have hurt or harmed me, out of fear, pain, confusion, & anger, I see these now. To the extent that I am ready, I offer them forgiveness. I have carried this pain in my heart too long. For this reason, to those who have caused me harm, I offer you my forgiveness. I forgive you.
Let yourself gently repeat these three directions for forgiveness until you can feel a release in your heart. Perhaps for some great pains you may not feel a release, but only the burden & the anguish or anger you have held. Touch this softly. Be forgiving of yourself in this as well. Forgiveness cannot be forced; it cannot be artificial. Simply continue the practice, & let the words & images work gradually in their own way."
0 comments:
Post a Comment